I've been in a bit of a funk this week. I don't know if it's the weather or stress
or the fact that my sister got a ticket to the National Championship game in Pasadena and i'm very jealous about it i'm not really sure what it is. (I really am excited for my sister and proud that she has worked hard and has the hours she needs I just wish I could be a part of it too.)
I'm not really looking forward to the holidays this year like I was. I am sad that my husband has to work Christmas Eve night and Christmas night. I'm tired of having to work our schedules so that everyone else is happy. I'm sick of making a plan, planning my schedule for the plan only to have the plan change to accomodate people who wouldn't pay you the same courtesy. I love to buy people gifts but I hate to buy them something just so I have them a gift. I like to put a lot of thought into each gift and get them something they will really love and use. I usually fail miserably at this. Which makes gift buying very stressful and not a fun experience for me. I feel guilty for complaining about my husband having to work on Christmas when there are familys out there who would love to have a job. And military families that have been seperated for months that would be thankful the spend a few hours together on Christmas.
It's so hard for me to just be happy. I am blessed beyond belief but all I can focus on is what other people have. I see these people that seem to have it all and do it all and I don't know how they do it. I know that they are probably struggling with things too. I have always liked to believe that if all you and all your friends put their problems in a pile that you would quickly grab your own back! I hate that I get to go have fun with friends on the weekend while my husband is at work but I feel worse about the fact that even if he wasn't at work he still wouldn't want to go and do the things we do for fun.
I hate to be such a downer today but I feel like so often the blogs I read
and feel jealous about are only telling about the happy things. Not that they have to share the not so happy things in their life, but I feel like it isn't an accurate account of life. People get down sometimes. It happens to everyone at some point or another. I would like to be honest about what is really happening in my life.