Christmas Day

Barrett was so excited about Santa this year.  We couldn't wait for him to wake up Christmas morning. 

AveryAnn got a sweet baby doll and diaper bag of her own to pack and unpack, some pjs and a Barbie.

Barrett got a fixit transformer, a Grimloc transformer, walkie talkies, some paw patrol headphones to use with his ipad, pjs and a bat bag for baseball season.  

She was so excited about that baby doll with the bottle.  It was so sweet.

They also got this kitchen to share as their big gift.  It's so cute.  I'm a little jealous, it's nicer than my kitchen ;)

They played so well together it was so sweet!

Ally was over Christmas and all the cold weather.

This is our 10th picture in front of the tree.  When I took that picture our first Christmas morning we were married I didn't realize how much I was appreciate it in 10 years time.  We've grown so much from those clueless newlyweds.

Me and my girl!

My sweet babies in their matching jammies.

We wrapped up at home and headed to my parents house for brunch.  We decided to wear our matching pjs.  It's always chaos over there but so much fun.  The girls are really starting to interact with each other and its so much fun!  Madelyn has a dog, Bentley, but he will not let her pet him.  So she was so happy that Ally was more than happy for the extra attention.  

Each family got one of these race track with the light up cars.  Well Barrett wanted to open every toy immediately so we let him open this one and they all had a ball playing with it.  

I loved this one Hope took of the girls watching with their feet up. It was so sweet.

Ally loves the fire at my parents, I'm always afraid she's going to climb right in.  She gets as close as she possibly can.

Picture of mom and dad with the grandkids.  Next year there'll be another little one, we can't wait for my nephew Brooks to get here in April!

After all the Christmas gifts were open we sang Happy Birthday to Barrett!  He really gets birthdays this year and he was so sweet.  I can't believe it's been 5 years since that Christmas in the hospital with a new baby!

We came home in time for everyone to grab a quick nap.  Patrick went to the hospital to see his family.  His mom was in ICU so the kids couldn't go see her (and Barrett was still sickly so he couldn't have gone anyway).  We usually go to their house for dinner and I hadn't bought any groceries so we found a Chinese place and got take out for dinner.  It was so weird not being with the Hortons Christmas night but we had a nice night at home just enjoying each other's company.

The Club No Mom Wants to Join

I've gone back and forth on whether or not I wanted to post this.  (I'm still not sure if I'll ever it publish. But I guess if you're reading it you know I took the plunge) We've been on a bit of a roller coaster the last few weeks.  I joined a club two weeks ago that no woman ever wants to join.  I had a miscarriage.  We are, of course, heartbroken and sad.  For 4 weeks we've been planning a life with this sweet baby.  We've been planning a new "Big Boy Room" for Barrett.  We've been planning a new nursery (even though I pretty much want it to look exactly like the original nursery).  We've talked names and double strollers.  We've talked about Barrett becoming a big brother and what it's going to be like having two kids when the holidays roll around.  For 4 weeks that sweet baby was very real.

We had not told anyone.  We were planning to tell our parents after our first appointment.  The only people that knew were my little brother and sister-in-law (and my friend Brittany, but only because I didn't drink a margarita at a mexican restaurant.)  We enjoyed it being our little secret.  I didn't want anyone worrying (which is ironic now).  Everything was going well.  I was limiting myself to one cup of coffee in the morning and no sodas.  I was taking my vitamins everyday, I always forgot with Barrett.  I remember when I first found out I was pregnant with Barrett I knew immediately he was a boy.  I just had a feeling.  I had no gut feelings this time.  Which I told Patrick was kind of odd to me since I was so sure with Barrett.  I didn't think much of it.  We were scheduled for our first appointment Tuesday, February 10th.  We were like any expectant parents excited and nervous.  That morning I started bleeding.  Not a whole lot but enough to be a concern.  I wasn't having any pain so I tried to tell myself that everything was fine.  

We got to the doctors office.  My appointment wasn't until the afternoon.  They immediately sent us over for an ultrasound to ease our minds.  By my calculations I should have been 7 weeks 4 days.  With Barrett we saw the heartbeat so that's what we fully expected to see and hear.  We went in for the ultrasound.  The tech got started and I knew she didn't see what we were expecting to see.  I remember with Barrett she almost immediately told us she saw the heartbeat and we got to hear it.  You could have heard crickets this time.   She finished and was so sweet to us.  She told us there was no baby, just a gestational sac.  She said I could be not as far along as I thought.  I tried to hold back the tears but I knew that we should have seen more.  We went back and waited to see the doctor.

I felt like we waited forever (probably because we are idiots and had Barrett with us).  We saw the doctor and she was optimistic.  She said we were in a "normal" range for the time frame.  I once again had hope.  I had to do lab work that day and was told to come back in two days for more lab work and a week for another ultrasound.  We came home and tried to process what was going on.  We didn't tell anyone yet we were planning to wait until we knew more..  

The next day the nurse called me with my lab results and it wasn't good.  My beta level was 9,500 and she said at that level we should have seen cardiac activity on the ultrasound.  My progesterone was really low too.  The nurse basically said that this was not going to be a successful pregnancy.  (Those aren't the words or phrases she used but that's what she implied).  I was out getting lunch when I talked to her I called Patrick and got really upset.  When I went back in the office and had to tell my boss what was going on.  He was supportive and at that point it was a waiting game.  I picked Barrett up from school and we finished up some things at work.  That afternoon the bleeding got a lot worse.  I knew it was the end.  I called Patrick and then the doctor.  They wanted me to come back in Thursday morning. (This post is so long but I want it all in one spot.)  We knew we needed to tell our parents but we didn't want to upset them.  We made arrangements for my Dad to keep Barrett Thursday morning and Patrick met me at the doctor.  I was nervous and sad.  They sent us for an ultrasound and it looked exactly the same as before.  I had to see a different doctor and he basically said there wasn't a baby and there won't be a baby.  (I'm totally paraphrasing but that was the jist).  We went and got Barrett and took the rest of the day off work.  We went to lunch and came home and cuddled with Barrett and just loved on him.  We are so sad and heartbroken.  But I know there is a plan for us.  I'm sad but I can't let myself sit and dwell on what could have been.  I can't change what happened.  All I can do is focus on the future so that is what we're choosing to do.  We trust the Lord has a plan and that His plan is better than any plan we could come up with.

I have struggled with how much to share.  But I've been so supported by fellow moms that have experienced this heart break.  I hope that no one I know needs my support but I'll be there if they do.  I want women to know that no matter how common it is or how often someone tells you how common it is, until you've experienced it you can't imagine the hurt.  And knowing how common it is didn't really bring me comfort, it made me hurt for all the others that have walked in these shoes.

Thanksgiving, Kickball, Girl's Night and the Iron Bowl

I hate lumping the whole weekend in one post but I'm afraid i'll never get it all posted if I don't! :)

We had a crazy busy, exhaustingly fun long weekend.  

Barrett spent a little time on the ipad before we got the day started.  He looks so big.

For Thanksgiving lunch we went to my Grandmother's house.  They boys worked on building a new deck.  Porter was prepared with his took box and safety glasses.

This is the only picture I took of Barrett all day.  After lunch we picked up Patrick and went to the Horton's for dinner.  As usual I took zero pictures.

On Friday my big brother planned a family kickball game.  It did not disappoint.  Mom and Dad were team captains.  Mom chose both of my brothers and my sister and my dad chose me.  Dad's team dominated the first game.  

I haven't laughed that much in a long time.  It was so much fun!  My little brother set up his GoPro camera and we loved watching the footage.

During the second game I had a couple of memory lapses and made a fool of myself but I survived.

I just love that the whole family played (except my Patrick, he had to work.).  My parents played and ever Barrett toddled around the outfield and kicked the ball a few times.  It was so much fun.  I hope we get to do it again while everyone is around for Christmas.

Friday night Brittany and I hosted a little girls night paint party.  I invited all my "boy mom" friends.  All of our boys are right around the same age.  We painted doorhangers and I thought they turned out so cute.

We had a fun night laughing and painting.
Saturday was the Iron Bowl in Tuscaloosa.  I was so excited.  Jennifer and I planned on watching the game and my cousin's house but I ended up getting a ticket and we found Jennifer one too so we both got to go.  I loved the night games when i was in school.  Now that I have to travel to the games I don't enjoy them as much.  It makes for such a late night. We ventured to the quad to see what was going on. Meanwhile back home Patrick was trying to corrupt my son.  I can't get over how big he looks here. Last week at Lowe's BB bought him this flashlight.  He's been using it as a headlight on this push toy.  He cracks me up. Ms. Linda picked up this book and I love it.  It is so cute and so sweet
I got to sit with my sister.  The other girl was an Auburn fan we made friends with.  She reminded up so much of our sister-in-law Hope that we had to take her picture.
Then I went to find my other friends.  I'm pretty sure Matt wonders why he's friends with me.  I like to think it's because I'm fun, I think it's because he feels sorry for me. It was a long night.  I was crawling in the bed as Patrick's alarm clock was going off.  I've never felt as old as I did Sunday. Monday I finally got the ornaments on the tree and our halls are officially decked! 'Tis the season!

Thankful Hearts

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

(Photo by: lb studios, this is one of my favorites)

I love these people fiercely.

I have so much to be thankful for this year.  

Health.

Jobs.

Family.

Friends.

Food.

Shelter.

Transportation.

Freedom.

And The Lord, without him we'd have nothing.  

There is so much hurt and heartache in the world.  It's hard to understand why some people go through the things they go through.  We just have to have Faith that His plan is the best plan.  I hope everyone can find something to be thankful for this year.  We are all blessed, we just have to take the time to realize it.  

The Horton House wishes you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Easter

We had a full weekend to celebrate Easter.

After the 5K we all headed to my Grandmother's house for lunch.  It was all delicious as usual and we enjoyed the afternoon outside enjoying the beautiful weather.

This was Barrett's first time with the eggs.  He had no interest in finding them for his basket.  He only wanted to hold, throw or chew on them.  I just loved his cute little bunny shirt.

We left there and headed home for naps.  We went to the Easter Vigil Mass because Hope was coming into the church.  It's a really long Mass (2 hours 45 minutes) so the boys stayed home while I went to support Hope.  I'm so excited for her.  

The Easter bunny came.  We try to keep things low key for holidays and gifts.  I want to celebrate and I love the tradition and fun but I don't want Easter to be about the bunny.  So Barrett got mostly practical things.  2 swimsuits, new training silverware, crayons, goldfish and yogurt melts.

Barrett was so excited about his new swimsuits.

And his yogurt puffs

We got ready and went to Mass as a family of three.  It was a bit of a disaster.  We sat in the church at first and Barrett had a meltdown and we realized it was either going to be one of us standing in the  back while the other sat in church (which defeats the point of going to Mass together) or we should just sit in the cry room as a family, so that's what we did.  We decided from now on we'd rather have the loud kid in church than brave that room again. (For the record most of the kids aren't bad, but when you get several moody toddlers in one room for an hour and a half trying to keep them semi quite, it's exhausting.)

We left church and headed to my mom and dad's house for lunch.  Barrett's a lucky boy because he got an Easter basket at both of his grandparents house.

Dad sat him on this pedestal and he wasn't sure what to think about it.

My sweet little family.  I am so thankful for these boys.  They make life worth living.

Second outfit of the day.  Harper wanted to hide eggs for him.

Once again he wasn't really interested.

All the grands at Mom & Dad's house.

After lunch we headed home to take naps and then we headed to Patrick's parents house for dinner.  Before we ate the kids had an egg hunt.  Here's a picture of all the grands at Patrick's parents' house.

It was such a fun and exhausting day.  I love being with our families but I hate getting off our nap schedule.  We are trying to wind down and get ready for the week.  It's our busiest week of the year at Signs of Sophie so we've got to hit the ground running tomorrow.

Happy Easter from the Horton House!

The Wedding

I'm finally getting around to sharing about the wedding.  It was beautiful!  I'm kicking myself for not taking more pictures.  I can't wait to see what the photographer captured.  She was so much fun and easy to work with.  Hope was the easiest most laid back bride.  (Luckily all the weddings I've been in have been this way, no certain shoes or hair and makeup.  Perfection)  She was getting ready at the church and said we could all get ready there or on our own.  My sister and I opted to have our glam squad meet us at the church so we could all get ready together. I seriously have the best friends in the world.  Brittany offered to come and help my sister and me with our hair and makeup and I'm so glad she did. (Lorie jumped in to watch Barrett when we needed a last minute baby sitter and Kristen has been my gym buddy and constant listener!  So thankful for each of them!) We looked fabulous all thanks to our "glam squad" (Brittany)!  After a couple hours of hair and makeup it was time for pictures! 

I seriously felt so pretty! My glam squad.    Before Hope was ready John arrived and I went over to the church to see him.  He was so cute.  He just smiled and smiled!  I was so glad I got to have those few minutes with him before the chaos of the day began.  It was then when I realized he had on white socks with his tux, bless his heart.  We had to text dad to bring him some black socks.  Pictures went by fairly quickly and then we had some time to kill before the wedding.  Barrett was in a mood all afternoon. We thought maybe his ears were hurting so Patrick and I ran to the CVS to get some children's tylenol.  He seemed to be better after that.   A car selfie Killing time. We decided at the last minute to go to 5:00 Mass so we wouldn't have to go Sunday morning.  It was Mom, sister, Mark and John & Hope.  It was a  nice time together before the wedding.  (Hope had changed our of her dress) I didn't bring my camera over to the church and I so wished I had.  I took this one of Mark and John after Mass.  I love these boys. While the guests were arriving we were in the cry room.  Barrett hung out with us until Patrick's parents got there to watch him.  He was all smiles at this point and so so so cute! The sweet bride with her Godson. I'm so sad I didn't get a picture of John and Hope with Barrett.  

These are the only two pictures I took with my real camera all day.  This one you've already seen.

And this one is pretty cute.  This boy loves strawberries.

Patrick's parents took Barrett home after the dances.  My mom wanted the Mother/Son dance to turn into a family dance so Barrett hung around for that.  It was a really sweet moment.  We danced and ate and just had the best time.  The food was amazing.  (Happy Catering Company if your in Birmingham)  The cakes were beautiful and delish.  My parents had the grooms cake made to look like John's truck and it was perfect. (wish I had a picture) (Posh cake design did them both).  

Before we knew it the bouquet had been tossed and bubbles blown and they were own their way.  It seemed like it was all over so fast.  I knew it would because my own wedding was the same way.  Their flight wasn't until later in the afternoon Sunday so they came and ate lunch at my mom and dads.  I got to take them to the airport, which I know didn't seem like much to them but I was so excited.  It was the first time I got to hear exactly what they thought about the whole day without anyone to interrupt them.  They were so sweet and cute talking about the whole weekend.  It was fun.  Before I knew it they were climbing out grabbing their luggage.

Sweet newlyweds headed to Disney World!
Then on the way back to get Barrett I saw this really cute couple walking in the neighborhood.  They made me smile.   When I got back to my parents house Elizabeth and Clay were there getting Champ so I was happy I got to see them since they won't been home again till Easter. She was loving on Barrett before they left and I told her the next time she sees him he'll be walking.  And then I started crying.  It was such a beautiful weekend.  I know I've said it a million times but I am so happy for them.  They are such a fun, loving couple.  I'm so happy for our family to gain another daughter, sister and aunt.  It's been a fun few years in the Maxwell family, hopefully the fun never ends.