September 11th

This is a long winded rambling post...read at your own risk.

As with every American I remember where I was on the morning of September 11th, 2001.  I'm sure I've shared it here before but here it goes again.  I was a junior in high school.  I can't remember what the class was but I remember the teacher.  I think we were watching a movie, 13 years later the details are a little blurry.  Our principal came over the intercom to alert the teachers that there had been an apparent terror attack on the World Trade Center in New York City.  The teacher immediately turned on the news and we all sat in shock as we watched the events unfold.  I'll never forget the look on one of my best guy friends face.  His face was stuck in this limbo of disbelief and asking why at the same time.  It's burned into my memory of that day forever.  I vaguely remember the teacher turning the tv off after a while saying we'd seen enough.  Whether it was for our benefit or hers I'm not sure now.  My next class was History and I remember the coach already had the tv on and he simply said "We're watching history" and that's all we did.  I don't remember the next class but my last class of the day was cheerleading and I remember one girl coming in and making jokes.  I laughed because honestly I needed to laugh.  

I remember going home and saying the same joke and my mom didn't laugh.  She was glued to the tv just as we had been all day.  I remember the idea of the draft being reinstated being thrown around by the media, the truth was no one knew what to expect.  My older brother was 20 at the time, has graduated college and didn't have a wife or kids he was perfect for the draft and I realize now that my mom was scared that her baby was going to have to fight in this war that we suddenly found our country in.  I remember the images and the news footage.  We watched it for days and weeks.  It was all anyone talked about.  I remember the quiet.  When the planes were grounded for a few days the quiet outside was numbing.  The first time I think I heard the National Anthem after the attack was at the Friday night football game.  I remember feeling so proud to be an American.  I still get chills when I hear the National Anthem.  

Over the last 13 years the memories have faded a bit but there are some moments I'll never forget.  The emotion of the day has definitely changed over the years.  Through college and now as a wife and mother the weight and reality of the events of that day are heavier than ever.  My heart breaks for the wives that lost husbands and the children that lost parents.  I think about the first responders that sacrificed everything so that they could save lives.  True heroes.  As a mom I'm now responsible for teaching my son about the events of that day.  I remember driving my niece to K4 on this day 5 or 6 years ago and thinking she has no idea what this is all about.  Her innocent mind doesn't know evil like this yet she's going to have to learn one day.  It broke my heart.  I saw on facebook today people were keeping their kids home from school because of the terror threats.  I refuse to live in fear.  I will not let the enemy win.  I will share with Barrett was this tragic day means in history but more than anything I want him to know about the heroes.  I want him to know about the passengers that stormed the cockpit to fight the terrorist to spare lives on the ground.  I want him to know that firemen and police officers ran up dozens of flights of stairs to get people out knowing there was a good chance they wouldn't come back out.  I want him to know that Americans were proud to display their flags, they stopped and listened when the National Anthem was played.  People went to church.  I want him to know that as sad and scared as I was to be an American, I'd also never been more proud to call this country my home.